Post Oral Exam Mopeyness

Hi all,

Yet again, its been way too long, this time about a year since I took and passed my oral exam.  Since that glorious day, I've been battling the resulting gloom of having absolutely no direction in my life, whatsoever.  This is what happens after you've leaped over the last major hurtle, and realized that you are lost in a maze of research where you start to lose track of what day, month, year it is.  This is my life, and has been for the past year.

Okay, so its not all doom and gloom like I'm making it sound, but it can be pretty rough.  In the months following my oral exam, I felt pretty lost.  I came to lab, did some work, went home.  Rinse, repeat.  I didn't do much else, because that's how my life had been while I was studying for my exam.  What I didn't realize in those months was that I was slowly running myself ragged, and I was losing my support circle while I was at it.  By not seeing my friends, not getting out of my house, and not exercising, I was digging myself a hole.  A hole that I'm only really now realizing that I need to climb out of if I'm going to survive the next year or so.

As you know from previous posts.  I'm an athlete, or at least I was.  I played NCAA Division 3 Softball in college.  I barely got any sleep at all in undergrad, juggling two majors, a sport, and a stupid amount of clubs, jobs, and other activities, including spending lots of time with friends.  I really enjoyed undergrad, despite all of these things.  I get to graduate school, and the number of stuff that I'm juggling is drastically smaller, but the stress level is raised up to level 11.  I dont have a competitive sports team, and I feel like I dont have time for anything but school and work.  I get out of shape.  I feel boring.  All I do is work.

Anyway, I dont know how many people out there actually read this, but I've decided that I need to turn over a new leaf.  I cant keep doing this moping around, just researching and feeling sorry for myself, thing.  I'm going to get back into some sort of shape.  I'm going to do things that I enjoy.  I'm going to get out and see friends, or make friends.  Mostly, if I fall off the wagon, I'm not going to give myself too much crap about it.  I need to rise out of this part of my life and look back at it like I do undergrad.  That I worked my ass off, and that I feel like I tried to make the best of every aspect of it.  Success in research, in classes, in tests, is not all I'm holding myself to.  I want to also be successful at being a human being, who feels like a human being.  I need to put the glitter, rainbows, and unicorns back into my life.

So, if you hear me moping, tell me to get up and have a dance party.  Or to call up my friends.  I think thats the kind of support I could use right now.  Hope that if there are any other grad students out there reading this, that this can serve as proof that you aren't crazy, or as a lesson that you hopefully do not have to learn the hard way.

Love,
Lasers